Listening to: Billie Eilish - When the party's over
a story and a constant battle
After 2 and a half years of blogging I thought I would've cracked it by now, posting at least once a week, showing off my eggs florentine, boasting about my latest pair of mules and the other typical blogger bullshit I do. Instead I am here editing this post at midnight and barely scraping together a post of month. Yes, I am hanging my head in digital shame.
I'm not lost in the sauce of likes though, I'm aware that being a successful blogger isn't measured by how many posts you write and how many blogger besties you have, even though it is lovely to have you guys. The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill is my favourite album, it is Lauryn's only album, released in 1998 and here I am in 2019, still a loyal servant of Ex-Factor and Doo-Wop. An unproblematic queen reminding us all that quality over quantity every time.
However in this extremely cut throat industry, not uploading to Instagram for 24 hours can leave you 24 followers behind and wondering wtf you've done wrong this time. Erm, I guess no one was feeling my new nail colour post, *crosses future hand pics off of the list*. The internet is impatient, give them 5 minutes and they'll be on to the next best thing. I'm cool with taking my time in the digital world but I thought it was time to have this conversation with you guys.
A Seat With Shay was born because writing and pictures gave me a fuzzy feeling inside and I thought I had cool outfits from time to time. I started talking about my anxiety and now I feel comfortable enough telling you guys practically anything, it's lovely but I have more to say and I would like to say something at least once a week.
I'm a soul who thrives when her life is in order, when her food shopping list is written, when she's using her diary and when her energy is balanced. I've always been like this, an un-spread bed and a day without a to-do list is not the kind of day I enjoy.
After devoting my life to reading books, meditating and understanding my anxiety struggles, naturally my main priority has become just that, protecting my mental and anything or anyone that messes with that is put on ice, no exceptions. My sanity comes first because I know once I lose this, the very thing that makes me me, I will no longer be fit enough to support my loved ones, be a great wife or to be the mother I want to be to my future children.
So I focus on creating a mental place that feels like 'home'. For me home is a place where my energy is balanced, a place where I am able to be creative without distractions, a place where I feel safe and a place where I can recharge, turn my phone off and zone out. That's when I feel my best and that's when I wake up ready to write, ready to design and create.
Top - TKMAXX
Bag - Zara
Mules - Primark
Lately and every year (at different times) since I've started blogging my life has been very much unbalanced. It's all of that real life, heartbreaking, mental health and responsibility stuff that leaves me feeling this way. With this feeling comes a lot anxiety and stress and with those feelings come a lot of me not wanting to communicate with people and a lot of me not wanting to be on social media.
"If you do not like where you are move, you are not a tree."
One of my favourite quotes. I felt stressed so I moved.
Blogging and social media are kind of like my guilty pleasures, it's a part of me and I find joy in creating but sometimes the things we love the most can be the most damaging, think too much chocolate, too much wine or too much sex (if there is such thing). At times social media is very draining, seeing pointless articles, reading stupid comments made by stupid people, #Ad, Omg look at my new, CLICKBAIT, Flat tummy tea, Baby #3 is on the way and outrageous new headlines made by people who should absolutely NOT be in power. Just writing it down makes me feel nauseous.
So to bring it all back home, I have been feeling VERY unbalanced and the last thing I have been wanting to do is create, communicate and spend time reading useless things on social media. I love it but it's hard to weed out the crappy information from the insightful, it's hard to know what's real and what's not and right now my brain does not have the strength to work it all out. I have been struggling to respond to my friends and family so as you can imagine, the internet is the least of my worries.
So while I think I have the cracked the blogging code and I know how to be consistent, I am choosing ME over this digital world. When you see me flourishing and posting my smoothie recipes n stuff just know I am feeling balanced AF (a personal goal of mine).
While I haven't been posting on here, I have been living my real life and capturing everything in my weekly vlogs, yes, weekly vlogs that I have been consistent with for a whole 3 weeks now *takes bow*. So catch me on my YouTube channel, chilling with my friends, partying with my family and most recently glamping at the most amazing fairy-light lit yurt in Norwich.
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Love, Shay.
