Question: Are you living or just existing?
I think I was just existing for a really long time. I followed the flow of the world around me without questioning it or exploring alternative avenues. I wore what everyone else was wearing, I listened to whatever music was cool and after school I went to college and then Uni like everyone else around me did. I really had no desire to go to University actually but everyone was going and I got to move away from home so I was like, DOWN.
When asked what career I aspired to have as a teenager my naive mind barely stretched beyond
'Teacher, nurse, writer, receptionist, umm retail.' Fashion or something more creative would be up my street but so unrealistic, I thought.
My dad wouldn't even let me study event management because he said I needed to do a 'real subject' and I can do that 'on the side'.
The most independent I ever felt was picking my GSCE's. Media, Graphics and Sociology.
(also history because I copied my friend and I hated it and moved to business and didn't take it seriously but I usually leave this bit out of the story)
I never even had the opportunity to think outside of the box or to envision a life outside of the area I lived in. I think a lot of people living in areas like mine were the same, you become accustomed to a certain life and fall into a terrible pattern of thinking 'this is it' for me. Of course with age and life experiences your mind opens up and you change but back then I saw nothing beyond my life as it was. It wasn't a terrible thing, I was happy but I was also very clueless.
I followed this train because it was expected of me and my mind wasn't developed enough at that time for me to understand how this life thing really works and how easy it is to go out there and do what the f*ck you want.
I've mentioned on here before about how University single handedly transformed me into the person I am today and how it allowed me to be whoever I wanted to be. Being away from a town where everyone I knew dressed and looked the same meant I could develop into the person I actually was.
It didn't matter if no one liked the music or boots I liked because everyone did their own thing and nobody judged, cared or even knew me. University was bliss.
I'm not just existing anymore.
I made some life changes at University. First of all I began practising mindfulness, I acknowledged every single thing I was that happened in my day. Not in a critical way, but just so I could understand myself a little better. If I felt sad, I would think
'What is making you sad?'
'What can you do to change this feeling.'
'Is this a temporary feeling or will it pass.'
It nearly always passed.
I paid attention to the people around me and how what I did may or may not effect them. I began meditating and ohh I just felt so powerful being in control of my own well-being. My anxiety was less well, anxious, she was still there but she was more chill now, I could talk to her on a level like 'hey, it's me. we're fine, just breathe.' and she did and we get along waaaay better now. She's really low key these days.
Today I acknowledge the life I am living, that it is temporary and that I am the one who is making the decisions that determines my future. So every single day I work hard to get the future I aspire to have.
I wake up early, I write because that is what I am passionate about. I create content because creating content is the key to my happiness, my future and my income.
It's the smallest steps that you must continue to take everyday that make a huge difference in the long run.
My boyfriend said to me 'If you work really hard on your dream every single day for a year, there's no doubt that it will be a success'.
So I worked STUPID hard on my blog for 2 months and I started seeing the results. My blog numbers are great, I have just started working with brands, I have a better idea of what direction I want to take my photography in and I am literally grabbing life by the balls. This is only 2 months out of 12 so imagine where I will be in one year.
There are days