First of all, Happy Halloween. I'm not a big halloween person at all but equally I'm not going to be at home watching my mates having fun on Snapchat without me. For that reason I thought of a really unique Halloween costume, didn't wanna be the same as anyone else and all of that cat (see below #cliché), lol hope everyone had a great weekend whatever you have been up to. After a deep chat with my girls, this blog post naturally flowed from my fingers, I hope you enjoy cause I truly loved writing it.
kids in friendship
As kids friends are our mates who play with us, make us happy and make us feel loved and liked, that is a nice feeling. Our interests don't even need to be that similar at that point, it's just like 'I like to play outside in the summer and so do you so let's be friends'. I kind of miss when it was that simple before people started stealing boyfriends, borrowing money and moving in together, that's when it gets all kinds of messy. But still then as a child, friendship was very very important.
At that age, I would only tell my friends what I wanted them to know. I mean you never really got deep with your friends at 7. I would tell them that 'my mum wouldn't let me open my Christmas presents until after breakfast' but that's pretty much as far as we got in terms of really knowing each other.
It was nice to feel like you weren't alone and to just be yourself and have fun.
teens in friendship
As teens we're exploring and getting to know ourselves, our bodies and our own minds. Friendship removed that scary factor of the unknown and trying something new. Want a little adventure? No probs, try a little vodka in the park with ya friends and if one of us dies then we're all going to die but at least we're together. Ok, that sounded a little creepy and OTT but you get my drift. We were literally all in this together and no one knew what they were doing but worst case scenario you fail your GSCE's but then you would read a 'Lord Sugar' quote like this one and feeling aite again.
ALSO, STAY IN SCHOOL KIDS.
Still at this point, our friends were there to either guide us or lead us astray. But those ones who led us astray were still teaching us life lessons and showing us what path we do or do not want to take for the rest of our lives. There are so many people from my past who have taught me a lot and we don't speak anymore which is fine because in actual fact our interests are very dissimilar but you need those people in your lives. You need a life lesson every now and then.
I would describe friendships at that point as quite dependant, sometimes one sided but so necessary. The ones who didn't explore friendship at this age are usually the ones who end up exploring a lot later on in life or the ones who don't understand the basic 'girl code' ethic rules for example.
As we awkwardly grow up in secondary school we slowly but surely realise everyone's a little messed up and there's nothing wrong with letting your closest friends know that hey
'I have anxiety'
'I'm actually adopted'
'I haven't seen my dad in 10 years because my cousin is also my sister.'
By Year 11 you're at some house party pouring your eyes out to your mate from Science class because your boyfriend is a twat but you'll probs still stay with him anyway over a bottle of vodka. Then you'll probably cry yourself to sleep in your mates bed upstairs and wake up with puffy eyes and an empty bottle full of regret. This is starting to sound too familiar, bye.
I learnt that people will fuck you over, I learnt this about 30 times. Sometimes by the same people and usually always ending with me forgiving them. I learnt that people will move with what's 'cool' but let those people go and remain how you are. I learnt that everyone is insecure and just trying to get by and most of the people who fucked me over did it because of THEMSELVES AND THEIR LIFE and it actually had very little to do with me.
I also learnt that being a good friend is everything and if you can't be that do not expect anything else in return.
Last of all, that crowd you'll follow it from time to time but remember to stay in on your own path.
adults in friendship
Today I am an adult in friendship and although my group of friends has narrowed down greatly and can be counted on one hand I understand and appreciate it a lot more. Yesterday (don't kill me guys) my friends and I had a little teary moment and there was no alcohol involved #deep, it was a beautiful moment where you realise how similar you are to the people around you and a moment of appreciation for these angels who you need more than you know. We spoke about why we are the way we are and how it affects those around us and our lives in general. We realised how alike we actually are and I felt a sense of completion knowing we were able to have a conversation about our actual feelings as somewhat grown women and man it was beautiful.
At this point, your friends are your sisters and you aren't friends because of convenience or because you HAVE to go school together or work together, you're friends because these are actually your people and you genuinely value them. Once you take away the thing that bonds you all together and realise that 'hey, these people are still around me' that's when you know that these are the people who are meant to be in your life.
One thing I enjoy about being an adult in friendship is being allowed to just be myself. I don't have to pretend my life is similar to those in the Disney films like I did as a kid, I don't have to have my guard up like I did in school or worry I would be judged and discussed behind my back because well...
everyone accepts their flaws!
No one judges true emotion and well, maturity is a beautiful thing. I love and appreciate every single thing and it has all shaped and moulded me into the fast-thinking angelic lady I am today (half, joking). I also want to leave a little note here to let my friends know that I am and always will be the Beyoncé Joke, I LOVE YOU GUYS, let's grow together.
Shay RS x
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