Lately, I have felt different. I have a sense of freeness that I haven't felt in about 10 years. I was a carefree child, an awkward teenager, a stressed 20 year old and then bam, all of a sudden I'm standing on Oxford Street posing for outfit pictures without a care in the world. I don't give a F + it is what it is best describes this feeling of self value that has currently entered my life and I am definitely vibing with it.
There have been so many layers to the first 4 years of my 20s and I don't doubt that life will continue to evolve and unravel. A lot of those past emotions had me doubting myself, my ideas and my power. A lot of my self doubt came from battling with my mental health and even after I got out of the 'darker' months I still didn't feel good enough.
Blogging has been one of the main factors in my self development, I started off with my little piece of the internet that was very personal to me and was mainly read by family and friends. 2 years later I have new readers and meet new people every single day because of this blog. It's forced me to just be myself without any boundaries, that's how I've always been on this blog. I spoke about confidence in my first year of blogging, my motto was to act confident and confidence shall follow. I mean I hardly have the presence of an actor in a minor TV role but I have got my head around being myself and being as authentic as I can.
Comparison is a thief of joy, we know it, we try to ignore it but we just can't. Life is never that simple, if it was I would eat more broccoli and jog to the gym. I have definitely got to the point of removing myself from anything that has me comparing or not feeling good about myself.
Sometimes it's not about the other person, it's just a journey that we are on with ourselves and if it doesn't make me feel great then I'm out. Peace.
For a while I found myself over analysing everything, I wanted to be more confident, more of this and more of that. Comparison is a trap, we start focusing on the things that we aren't and forget about all of the great things that we are. Why did I care if I wasn't the most warm and bubbly person in the room? Why didn't I focus on my compassion or loyalty.
After months of scrolling past fillers, implants and false digital personas I think I've realised how much easier it is to just be me. At the end of the day it takes time and effort to care and try to change yourself. The cute quirks I notice in other people are the same ones I should be valuing in myself. Rubbing my face for comfort, avoiding eye contact when I feel uncomfortable, crying at the realisation moment at the end of chick flicks and well, a lot more. Those little things make me who I am.
There are so many people in this world, if we all conformed, voted the same, looked the same and believed in the same thing this world would be grey and full of no life. I don't want to be same the same as everyone else, I am at a stage in my life where I appreciate every single weird thing about myself because it makes me happy that there will never be another me.
Self love is the heart of all love. Self love makes it easier for you to be loved and to love, it is important that we understand how to love ourselves before we can ask someone else to love us. With that being said, I cannot ignore the love and outside appreciation that helps me keep going every single day. If I could gift everyone on this earth just one thing it would be a loving and caring support system.
We all forget sometimes how great we are, our uniqueness becomes 'normal' and uninspiring to us but there is nothing better than not valuing something about yourself and being reminded just how amazing it is by someone else. A stranger told me the other day that the gap in my teeth was 'lucky' and it made me smile, I mean it's just teeth but appreciation for something that is just 'regular' to me is a little reminder that beauty is everywhere and always in the eye of the beholder.
I am still not the most confident person and I actually don't want to be. I like feeling shy sometimes, it keeps me on my toes. I love that I feel awkward all the time and force myself to chat to people I don't know. I thrive in intimate conversations and in smaller groups and that's ok because it's me.
I've stopped caring about all of the irrelevant crap that makes me feel unworthy. We are human, we're going to get into our own heads from time to time but it's important to see the bigger picture. One thing I have never been bothered about is people's opinions on my appearance because A. God made me perfectly and B. Literally can't change anything about it hun, so let's get on with it shall we?
And now I am finding that same strength in my character. IT IS WHAT IT IS, so let's get on with it Shay.
Self acceptance has pushed me to feel carefree, independent and valued by MYSELF. This feeling is something that I wish everyone can feel, it makes my journey on this earth a little easier because I know who I am and I am proud of who I am.
You are you and I am me, let's feel confident in our own uniqueness and focus on what we are not what we aren't.
What has your journey been like with self acceptance? I'd love to have a chat below.