It's been 3 weeks and it's as if I don't even know how to write anymore. I'm behind on everything, emails, socials, unpacking and I'm not yet mentally ready to be in full on 'work mode', but time waits for no one.
Happy September and welcome back to A Seat With Shay. September 1st will always bring back memories of a fresh start, new books and an opportunity to work even harder than the year before. Yup I was 'that kid' who loved school.
Side note: Once I fell off of the swing and cut my eyebrow open. My eye was swollen so badly and I wasn't supposed to go to school but I literally ran out of my house and ran to school without my mum knowing. It was a school trip I didn't want to miss. Sh*t got real at lunch time when I realised I had no money or food. A few friends shared some cookies with me but I was staaaarving lol.
The difference between then and now is that I make my own decisions, I don't need to ask permission and every decision I make is crucial. There are no re-takes or mock papers, this is the real thing baby.
Let's go back to the beginning of August when I truly believed I could somehow Beyoncé my way through the month and remain sane. I hate to be that person who goes on about how much they have to do but to put it bluntly 'I was doing too much' and it was very much self inflicted.
Let's be frank, I'm self employed and within that role comes a lot of short jobs, projects and a hectic schedule. You know I love harping on about pros and cons, and a huge pro of full-time employment is having a set schedule and always knowing when you will be at work and where you will be.
I can't even remember how many times I have double booked this year and I think it's time I started using my diary and learning to say no to things that don't work for me but that's a whole other blog post.
So, back to August, I had a full inbox, a lot of unopened blogger mail, on going projects, work commitments which was a lot more full on than usual and two holidays to attend and be present on. Am I the only person who slightly enjoys the feeling of being busy and sorting my schedule and trying to make my schedule align with friends. So I continued taking on more commitments even though I already knew I didn't have the time to complete everything I had already committed to.
I kept laughing to myself in my head because I knew it wouldn't work out but I was still on auto-pilot mode, working like a robot. After forgetting nearly everything, losing my train of thought and not getting enough sleep I knew it was time to pull the plug.
It was time to request time off from myself which I was very harsh at accepting I must say. I pressed the pause button on work and pushed go on the Out Of Office auto-response.
There are a lot of great things about being self-employed but the best part is that I don't have to ask permission to 'take time off' or put in a holiday request.
It has it's faults though, someone like me will stupidly try to work through holidays, take my laptop with me and do way too much and this isn't the first time either. Having the freedom to take time off when necessary sounds amazing but it's also not my reality. When you're the only person checking your emails and handling your business you don't want to miss a beat.
Working in media means that things are ridiculously fast paced. Working as a social media manager meant that I needed to know what was happening at all times and if something big went down while I wasn't working you best believe that I was back to work, just like that.
It's not that easy logging off when you feel like you have so much to do and 'What if I miss an amazing opportunity?'.
Me to me: GOOD QUESTION
I had a BBC radio interview last month where I spoke about mental health and blogging with Eddie Nester, I won't link it because it gives me a lot of anxiety but if you come across it, feel free to listen. It felt great being able to tell my mum and dad to tune in and listen to me on the radio but if I hadn't of checked my emails at that exact moment, I would've missed the opportunity. I never want to miss an opportunity again but I'm aware that needed time off and protecting my mental health should come first. I like to remind myself that any missed opportunities just aren't for me and that's ok.
Now I'm going to drop a very cliché truth and that is that life is all about balance, obviously. No but really though, I wouldn't have enjoyed my holidays if I had forced myself to work. As much as I wanted to be the Kim Kardashian of the holiday trying to fulfil work commitments while people asked me to put the laptop down.
“Maybe if you had a business that you were passionate about then you would know what it takes to run a fucking business!”