Dear Humans,
"Why not go halves?
You ate the food didn't you?"
It’s me again cooking up a list of relatable subjects to get your brains thinking. So it’s 2017 and women are frowned upon for sleeping around and men are expected to cash out on dates. Dear women you should be pretty, kind, smile when a guy tells you to, sleep with 0 people, yet still have children, raise them well, cook for them, stay in shape, like pink, eat pink and dream rainbows. Dear men, you should be cool, calm and collected, bad for the streets but sweet to your girl so I hear, bring in the bacon, pay the bills, cash out on dates, you can cheat if you want it’s kind of expected so I guess we’re 'supposed' to take you back.
My sarcasm is clearly never-ending...
I spoke to some single and taken guys and dolls to ask about double standards in relationships and this is what they had to say.
Guys
Would you let your girl go out and party as much as you or more?
"I can't control my woman and I don't feel any man should."
Ash: Personally, I have no problem with my Mrs going out, simply because I know she can handle her own as much as me. Difficult one because I am out a lot but there’s levels to it, I don’t control my woman and I don’t feel any man should. Common grounds of understanding is key but no woman should want to be out every weekend likewise for men.
Stefan: Being who I am, I wouldn't be happy with it. I don't personally go out at that much, but if we were speaking from the perspective of someone who does go out a lot the answer can vary because everyone has different reasons as to why they don't let there girlfriend go out. My reasons are because it's not safe, a lot of men don't understand 'no' and a lot of men are persistent. I don't want my girlfriend to be in that position all the time, every weekend. It wouldn't be a case of letting her go, I would just say to her I wouldn't want to be with someone who goes out all the time. Me being a guy, I already know what guys are like so I just know I wouldn't need my girlfriend to be in that position. If you continue to do that then you must be a party girl and thats not the kind of girl I wanna be with. It should be established from the get go, you should know whether they are a party person or not.
Ki: I don't mind a free spirit, if partying is your enjoyment then enjoy it.
Why do you think it's frowned upon for women to be as promiscuous as men?
Stefan: It's frowned upon because a woman's body should be her shrine so she shouldn't put herself out there the way a man would. You have to remember if we are going down to instincts a mans instinct is to want to go for women and be out there, have as much women as he possibly can, that's how us men feel alive and feel like men. It's part of our manhood so just because it's something that we do, it's not to take the piss. Being promiscuous isn't something all women do or that all women want to do. I'm not saying ALL men want to be promiscuous but I mean at some point in a mans life he's gonna have that stage where he is like 'Yeah, I'm tryna be out here.'
The main reason it is frowned upon is because most of the frowning comes from men. A lot of women have the same idea where they believe they should keep their body sacred. Women doing the opposite and going against the grain will always be frowned upon. It's more of a social conflict that is down to the individual. It's down to roles that men and women play, promiscuity doesn't fall into a woman's category.
Ki: Because of that 'master key' tale I believe. So society has played its part in imprinting that in our minds.
Have you ever judged a woman for being as promiscuous as a man, whether you told her or not?
Stefan: Yes and no, I'll only mentally judge the ones who aren't open about it. If it's your thing and you are open and honest about it then cool, not saying you have to tell everyone your business but just own it, don't act like you are not promiscuous. Some men like that, I only judge when they try and come across as the complete opposite.
Who do you think should pay for dates?
Stefan: I think it should be 50/50 or like 60/40. When I go out and I'm with my girl I pay for the majority of the things and she'll pay for some. For example if I pay for the meal, she might get dessert or the drinks. Sometimes she'll get the meal and I'll pay for everything else for the rest of the day. I think both people should actively make an effort to chip in in someway, it's about being fair. When it comes down to paying for things if it's me saying 'I am taking you out on a date' then yeah I am going to pay because I am taking you out of your house to come out with me and be in my company. It's give and take, we are at an age where it should be that.
Ash: I don’t think it should be set, if you’re in a relationship long term or even one that’s just started out it shouldn’t be who's paying. Either spilt it or one gets the bills this time and vice versa. Only on first dates etc. I think the man should pay.
What roles do you think men and women should play in the household?
Ki: I was always lead to believe that a male is the provider of the family and I still believe it will be like that or play like that for the next 50 years. I personally believe whomever can provide, should. A dream is to have us both playing roles as the head of the household. Team works makes the dream work.
Ash: I don't think there should be roles as there is no rules or regs to a household or a relationship. If you are both living together i's normal for you to both do the household chores.
Dolls
"Double standards exist because we like them and want them to exist because they work to our advantage. It's more or less human nature, we're flawed." - FCUK Girls
What do you think about men who believe they can go out and party as much as they want but a woman should not?
Nicole: It just gets me angry because gender shouldn't ever come into it. It's not about gender, it's about respect, trust and communication in your relationship. I guess it's societies pressures isn't it? women are seen as 'vulnerable' and 'need to be protected' while guys can 'protect' themselves.
What roles do you think men and women should play in this household?
Chloe: I think they should split everything equally including housework, bill paying and childcare. I can see why a lot of women may want their men to be the breadwinner and earn more as it can be a feeling of security. For example, when I take time off to have a baby I want to know that financially he will be able to provide.
Nicole: It's fluid, it doesn't matter, it should depend on the individual personality.
Shay RS: It doesn't matter, there shouldn't be set rules. If a woman feels comfortable cooking and cleaning then so be it, but if that's what the man wants to do, leave him to it. A man in the kitchen is also very attractive.
Why do you think it's frowned upon for women to be as promiscuous as men?
Shay RS: Because that's what we see in history, the media and society. You are frowned upon if you do anything outside of what is seen to be 'socially acceptable'.
FCUK Girls: Everyone should just do them, we can't try to match poor behaviour. Men are naturally boastful and sexual beats, they use their small friend to think, we women (here comes the double standards) use our brains.
Chloe: Because women are 'supposed' to carry themselves in a certain way, I don't know why it's frowned up if I'm honest. Men like to know that there girlfriend is exclusive to them.
Have you ever held back on promiscuity because you thought you would be judged?
FCUK Girls: Yeah, guys like to test the waters and we naturally have to think about what it is we want.
Chloe: I wouldn't say I have but I think girls do because they want to be seen as 'Wifey'. Certain things they wanna do ,they might not because they worry about finding a husband or a man taking them seriously.
Who do you think should pay for dates?
"You should spoil each other, that's what keeps it cute."
Nicole: I think it's always nice for the woman to offer and living now in the 21st century where we are fighting still for equal rights, why shouldn't the woman pay? I think either way, both the woman and the man should pay. Why not go halves, you ate the food didn't you?
Shay RS: I think you should split everything in a partnership. In a relationship if a man wants to court you, take you out and pay that's fine but a lady should not expect him to. You should spoil each other, that's what keeps it cute.
FCUK Girls: Pay, show me you can be the father to my kids.
-
Humans... thoughts? Comment below.
With Love,
Shay RS x
